My Sons Birthday

I couldn't figure out how fast the vacation passed. Today only I have to leave for my work station (which is away from my house). And if I won't reach there by tomorrow my one day's salary would be gone. My payoff is not so good as I am just a temporary staff and if I would remain absent then I would be messed. I get hurried to reach bus station. As I prefer to be more economic I too don't even take rickshaw, instead I move my steps faster. I have crossed 40s but never got chance to take proper rest. I always work so hard for my family and I always give damn to my desires just for my family. But I don't have proper place in that same family. I m always treated like guest. I have spent more than half of my life being out of the house. Sometime I like to be away from my home but miss it when its apart. When I am in home I feel bored with it and when I am away I keep thinking of it; I m fed up with this dual life. In one hand I am working so hard for their happiness and in other hand I am tagged as a greedy father: who is always after saving money even at the cost of the entire happiness one could get from his/her life. Even though I have never spent a penny for my amusement, they never understand that what ever I do is for their betterment only. I am the one who has sacrificed his family not they, I am the one who spends his days being alone in place where he finds no one to talk to him or speak a word to him. If I can do all these sacrifices why do they have so much complain even for small reduction in their expenses?
My younger son, who has just stepped in 13 or 14 has become very naughty. Earlier he used to obey my every word. But now a day he doesn't even breaks a twig for me. When I say him to do any task he just stares at me and tells, "Don't you see I am reading my books?" If I can sacrifice all my luxuries for his future then can't he just obey my few words even for a day?
I never had good relation with other as for them too I am not more social. I would prefer to save bucks for my family then to have a small outing with my friends during holidays or to have a sort of party. And in return I get only hatred from the ones for whom I sacrifice all these.
I keep walking without caring for the crowd in the street. Suddenly a small boy hits me with his bicycle. I get no words and my eyes go wide with bewilderment and anger! The small boy sees my face with pounding heart (out of fear) and moves away by picking up his bicycle. Only I could hear from him is 'couldn't apply brakes....' not even sorry! A word of apology he owes me. He disappears from my eyes before I could figure out what to do next? I realized that I couldn't be rude toward him all of a sudden because that idiot was like my son only. Otherwise I wouldn't have let him go like that.
Son's love is also a stunning thing. Was this not the reason behind the war of Mahabhatata? If Dhritarashtra would not have blindly supported every evil deeds of Duryodhana then why would have the war taken place?
My younger son has also become very naughty. He is after his three elder sisters. So he was loved much in the family. And now he is giving me the returns! It might be that I couldn't spend as much time with him as I was supposed to. I was not there in home when he took birth as I was sent to some remote place for some immediate official work and couldn't manage to reach home. I unwillingly had to miss it. As I am a simple health worker of my health post in remote area where I don't get any leave even during the festivals as patients don't stop to visit health post during festivals. And because of this I don't get opportunity to reach home very often. Even then I have managed for them to live in city. I strive there with every difficulty to ease their life and what I get in return is just complains...and who cares if my heats weeps for their rude responses?
I have realized that one can not seek for his personal happiness after becoming father. Otherwise I wouldn't have loved to live in that hell (work station which is in far remote area). Every employee comes there while taking salary only. But I stay there without saying day and night so that I could make some extra money for my family. And we too get some extra allowances for working in remote places rather than the city areas that's why I have not made my transfer in city area only for my family. Otherwise I would have left this job many years ago. I hoped my kids will understand my toil when they will grow younger instead they come to argue with me now. My son who has just reached his teenage complains me that I could not make him cultured and could not give him enough of my love which he deserved. I may not have spent my evenings in teaching him to walk by making him to hold my finger but I have spent those evenings in earning for his living. His mother knows nothing more than households but they love her much. And I the one who is sacrificing for them mean nothing to them.
Oh, he Bus Park has arrived! I reach the ticket counter and start checking bus number in the ticket to find my bus. Oops, there is no ticket in my pocket! I get terrified. I return the way I have come hurriedly to check if it has fell somewhere on the way. I reach the spot where I was hit by the bicycle. I search for the ticket around that place. I check my pocket. I wander around there for sometime. I don't get the ticket. So I directly return to my home.
When I reach near home I hear the music system played in loud volume. I feel like they are celebrating a big feast. It might be because I left the house. I feel quite bad within my heart. And I get little bit annoyed too. When I enter the house, my son knows it and turns off the music system. I know he is afraid of me because he has seen me arguing with her mother when he was small. Might be he has some complains too for myself being so rude to his mother. His mother used to hold him in her lap and cry when she used to get no words to reply. With tears in her eyes she used to start complaining and my son used to listen to her story with his eyes wide open as if he was going to make everything alright after listening it all. Sometimes it still happens now a days. And they all take their mother's side. And that time when I ask for any help they turn their back on me. They make me feel lonely. Till this date I have not been able to receive their sympathy. They take me as a guest who can't be sent out of the house. I m too tired of this sort of life.
"Who has misplaced my ticket, huh? Can't I leave this house when I want to leave?" I shout at them in very loud voice so that everyone would know that I have returned. Everyone come to me hustling and bustling to see what was wrong! And here comes my wife. She speaks with her frail voice" I saw you keeping it there in the upper pocket of your bag? It must be there only......." with this she puts her hand in the upper pocket of my bag and takes out the scrap with a thin smile on her face. Others too leave with sly smile in their face and back-biting me. And I still shout" So I can't get my things in proper place. Is it necessary to move things from the place I have kept in? And why was the music so loud. Who do you think will pay the bill?" I try to reply for their sly smiles. As I was leaving my small daughter comes and tells me" Daddy, Suren's brother's birthday so we were celebrating it."
Suren, my son, it was his birthday today?! How could I forget? This was the date I remembered as I was not there in house in his birthday so I wished him in his every birthday. Though I never made birthday a big issue to spend more but I used to make him take bath early in the morning and worship to god for a while. And then he used to get some delicious food of his choice. Sometimes gifts too. This time I was so busy in returning back to my work station that I couldn't even think of his birthday. I could do nothing than to remorse.
With these bitter feelings in my heart I come to realized that I have reached the main street. I was getting too late. I was about to miss my bus. I couldn't think of anything other than catching the bus. In this hurry I miss to wish him for his birthday even after being informed. I don't think anyone will try to understand me. As I had to report tomorrow in my office at any cost and I too can't afford to cancel my today's ticket so I reach Bus Park with my fullest strength taking big paces. I feel like the hope of living a decent life in future has snatched these small but blissful events of present from me. I think this is why I m treated as a outsider in my family. Richness can't be more important than people and their feelings. Once there is parting in relation it is difficult to fill the gap. I feel that same sort of parting is being seen in my relation with my son.
I step inside the bus with heavy feet. I don't want to miss the bus and I too don't want to leave my home like this every time. I would have nothing left than complains and regrets in my old age to repent on if I keep on putting aside these small but meaningful days. After all, these small events will be there to build up the memories of good days. It might be that I can get the happiness I seek from my family if I start taking part in these small joys where they would like to see me enjoying with them. The bus starts moving.
Suddenly my steps return towards the door again. I don't know what I m doing. I don't know if I am doing right or wrong. I find myself along side the road and could see the bus moving away and fading away from my eyes.........